


Eat My Feelings

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Rey Needs A Hug, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:47:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24217621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yoga teacher Rey visits a bar on a Saturday night to eat her feelings after finding out her long time boyfriend has cheated on her with his co-worker. When she arrives, she sees Ben sitting alone and joins him. Two’s company. One thing for sure is that their subsequent encounters involve a lot of yoga and a lot more flexibility.-Discontinued-
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I suddenly had an idea and wrote this in one sitting. It's slightly shorter than what I'm used to but it's for the sake of the subsequent chapters! Enjoy! 💛🌼

“In conclusion, my parents will forever be terrible parents no matter how long they are a parent for, no matter how many mental chances I give them at the back of my head that they will be better, no matter how many children they have. And I just need to deal with it. Nothing I do will ever change that and they will always be my parents. No matter how much I love them, this is all they are and all they will ever be.” Ben is slightly drunk. He sits at a bar on a Saturday night all alone, pouring his heart out to a stranger he has just met. It is not his fault she chose to sit beside him. Plus, she could have moved away any time she wanted.

“I’m sorry you feel this way, I never knew my parents and I wish I did. I wish I had a family. Wish I could experience all the family bickering and unhappiness. But the grass is always greener on the other side.” She shrugs and takes another big gulp of her beer. “You’ve got a lot of unrepressed shit going on there, have you ever thought of seeing a therapist?” She asks.

“I have tried several, but it never really worked out. I guess therapy just isn’t for me.” He wallows in self-pity. “Enough of me, what’s your story? What brings you here all alone on a Saturday night, listening to a grown-ass man eat his feelings?”

“My boyfriend broke up with me. Caught him cheating. But the apartment is his and now I have to find a new place in less than a week.” She responds nonchalantly as if she is not talking about herself.

Ben does not respond; he hopes to let finish herself. His head is resting on his left arm with his elbow propping his himself up. Rey continues. “I grew up as an orphan and lived in multiple foster homes throughout my childhood. Lucky for me, I managed to graduate with a degree and have a decent job. I met my boyfriend halfway through my study and we have lived together ever since. But one day I got back early from a work trip and caught him all snuggled up with another woman. When I say snuggled up, I’m saying the non-explicit version of what actually happened.” She verifies.

“That totally sucks. I feel bad for you, but welcome to the club. Have you any idea where you’re going to move to yet? One week’s pretty short of a notice.” He orders his fifth pint of beer and the third one for her. “Don’t worry it’s on me.” He pushes her arm away when she attempts to pass the waiter her credit card.

“Maybe I'll stay with a friend’s, or I’ll sleep on the streets. Nothing matters and I don’t care.” She says dryly. Rey puts up a brave, strong front to Ben, despite the breakup actually leaving her heart in shards. Four years. All for nothing. It’s hard to imagine that she spent so many years thinking that he is her family, only to find out of his unfaithfulness. “Fuck Poe, I never needed him anyway.”

“Yea, fuck Poe and fuck my parents too. Fuck anyone who did us wrong. And if you need a place to stay temporarily, feel free to stay at mine. I might not be sober, but I mean what I said.” He gives her a gentle pat on her arm in an attempt to console her.

Ben has no idea why he is being nice to her. He does not even know her. In fact, he was surprised that she chose to sit next to him by the bar counter when there were so many other seats available. He’s glad though. He has not had a heart to heart conversation with a person, or rather a conversation that is not related to work in a while. Ben has been a securities trader for almost a decade, dedicating a third of his life to his job. Fortunately for him, he’s good at his job. In fact, he’s so good at his job, he singlehandedly made ten million dollars in profits for his clients last month. Money is good because he gets a cut of the profits. But it does not matter how much money he earns or how lavished his life is. His parents will always be terrible parents. After spending much of his teenage years throwing violent tantrums and causing ruckuses in school, his parents barely gave to shits about him. Instead, they became harder on him, causing him to alienate himself from his parents.

It was only in recent months has he contacted them in hopes to patch things up. But it’s not that easy. Despite being an only child, they began to play favourites, with a new guy his father calls his “apprentice”. For fuck's sake, Ben’s already 35. He’s working for high net-worth clients and he does not have the capacity to play Han’s little games.

All he wanted was just his parents to be proud of him. To accept him for his flaws and shortcomings. He has made multiple attempts to make up for walking out of their lives for so many years but to no avail. Every time he tries, Han would compare him to his “apprentice”. He would compare how friendly and sociable he is, how he never makes mistakes and how he never throws tantrums. His mother, Leia, on the other hand, is not much better. She has told him privately that she forgave him and is glad that he is back, but she never once defended him in front of Han. She perpetuates his behaviour.

Just thinking about it brings him into a fit of rage, but he stays calm. The alcohol is doing a fine job and he wants to keep his composure in front of this beautiful woman who chose to spend her precious time entertaining him.

Meanwhile, Rey is thinking hard about his offer. She does not know who he is or what he does, but she saw his white gold Rolex on his wrist and that definitely comes with a hefty price tag. She’s not after his money, she just wants to make sure that he’s not some creepy dude trying cook up a story to lure her into his apartment. Plus, he seems genuine and wears his heart on his sleeve too.

Even though she has a week to move out, she cannot stand the thought of being in that apartment, knowing that another women – his co-worker – has slept in their bed. Or possibly another part of their apartment. Who knows how long the affairs have been going on for.

Rey is a well-known yoga teacher in Brooklyn. She started her yoga journey during college with an intention to try out a new sport. Since then, she has been showing up on the mat day after day, constantly intrigued by the amazing new discoveries of herself during each practice. She decided to set up her own studio last year which has gained a lot of traction after she started hosting community classes all around New York in collaboration with various activewear brands and local sports events. Her semi-regular travel schedule probably left her now ex-boyfriend too much time of his hands that he started fooling around. God knows what else he has done behind her back, but she thinks it is best if she does not know.

“I’ll take it. You offer.” She finally speaks up. “I’ll stay at your place for a while before I find a place of my own. When’s the earliest I can move in?” Ben can hear the nervousness in her voice, like his answer to her request, would make or break her. If he looks intensely into her eyes, he could probably see tears welling up in her eyes, and she will burst to tears in any minute. But he does not. Instead of giving her an immediate answer, he downs the entire glass of beer.

“You can move in tomorrow. Or tonight. I have a spare room with no bed, but my bed’s a king size. Not sure if that matters to you or not. You can live rent-free though; I don’t need money.” He murmurs, looking disappointed that he finished his beer. He says that piece of vital information like he was talking about something boring.

Fuck it. Rey thought to herself. She can figure out how to make things work. She would rather sleep on the floor than sleep in the same apartment as that bastard of an ex. 

“Fine by me.” She responds and takes a few sips of her drink.

She checks her phone, it is 2 am. No texts or calls from Poe whatsoever. He does not care about her, obviously. After coming back early from her work trip located in another city, she sees him and his co-worker, that he calls "just a friend", in their bed. And that’s the same friend that he has been texting a lot recently. What was her name again? Rose?

At that moment when she actualised what she just saw, she dropped everything. Her luggage, her bag, her yoga mat. She only remembers to grab her phone and her purse before running out of the apartment. She was too appalled and disgusted to confront them. Fucking hell, she thought Rose was her friend. She had met her on multiple occasions when Poe brought her to his work events, and they even got close. So close that she is fucking her boyfriend. 

“Can I stay with you tonight? No hanky-panky, nothing. I don’t want to go back to the apartment, I can’t do it.” She does not want to go back to her apartment tonight it hurts too much. Unable to hold it in any longer and bursts into tears. She thinks she is an ugly crier but that is the least of her concerns right now.

Ben gets off his barstool and takes a step closer to her. “There, there,” he says and pulls her into a frontal hug, one hand stroking her hair while she rests her head on his hair. Rey wraps both her arms around him and buries her head into his chest, her tears making wet patches on his back designer t-shirt. It does not bother him though.

Ben is dressed in a black t-shirt and dark denim jeans, finishing his look off white a pair of casual black sneakers. His black hair un-styled and in loose waves. After what feels like a few minutes, she breaks the hug, giving him an opportunity to take a good look at her.

For the first time, Ben notices that she is dressed in a white crop t-shirt. She also wore black high waisted leggings which beautifully flatters her toned body. On her feet are a pair of checkerboard loafers, completing her athleisure yet very chic look.

“You're probably one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. I’m sorry your ex was a jerk to you, but you can do so much better than him. Let’s go back and rest, I could really use some company tonight.” She nods and he swiftly whips out his phone book and Uber. “I knew I was drinking tonight so I didn’t drive. Did you?”

“I took the train and wandered around before stopping at this bar.” She answers, using her hands to rub off any excess tears in her eyes. Ben passes her a tissue and she quickly grabs it and thanks to him.

Seeing that the Uber is arriving within minutes, he pays for all their drinks without her noticing. Once done, he grabs one of her wrists and they exit the bar. Standing outside he turns his body to face her.

“I realised I haven’t asked for your name. Hi, I’m Ben.” He reaches his hand out to initiate a handshake. "It's really nice to meet you."

“Nice to meet you too, Ben, I’m Rey.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An angsty chapter. Enjoy!

The ride back to Ben’s apartment is quiet. They sit apart at the back of the Uber, Ben leaning his head against the window to rest his pounding head. Beer and a bumpy ride is definitely not a good mix.

After what feels like 15 minutes, the Uber stops in front of an exquisite residence. Inside the residence, they walk pass huge open spaces, indoors and outdoors for various activities. She sees two outdoor pools, an indoor gym and an open area on the second floor above the gym.

They keep a small distance between them throughout the entire journey, probably both of them wondering if this was a good idea at all.

She took the lift up as a good opportunity to scan him from head to toe. He is a massive tree trunk. He has broad shoulders and a wide chest, which she already had the feel of briefly at the bar earlier. He’s around a head taller than her. Rey herself is tall, so that makes him _really_ tall. Ben’s mind is floating elsewhere, visibly unaware that she is checking him out which gives her more time to comfortably stare at him. He could carry her over his shoulder with no difficulty. When the lift door opens, he steps out first and leads the way through a small hallway.

He scans his thumbprint in front of what looks like his unit door, and the electronic door unlocks. “Welcome to my humble abode.” He says as he swings the door wide for her to enter first.

Ben’s apartment looks nothing like a bachelor pad, it is _homely_. The wood elements from floor to ceiling brought so much warmth and cosiness to the space in front of her.

“Just to clarify… are you married? Because this home definitely doesn’t make you look single.” Rey states and sidesteps away from Ben. Her love life may be a wreck, but she does not want to be a homewrecker.

“Yea, I always get that when people come over. My best friend Hux is an interior designer. When I first moved into this place a couple of years back, I let him surprise me with the decorations, as long as it was an open concept home. Honestly, I can’t complain. His work is stunning and so easy to fall in love with. I’m thankful for him.” He hums.

“That’s cool. So… what shall we do now? I’m tired.”

“Follow me.” He brings her to the walk-in wardrobe in his bedroom to pass her and picks up a few pieces of clothes. “Here’s a large shirt you can wear and boxer shorts, not sure what you’re comfortable with. I don’t usually have company so only one bathroom has all the bathing items. You okay with waiting for me or do you want to shower first?” He asks.

“I’ll probably take longer than you, so I’ll wait. Thank you.” Ben heads to the bathroom while Rey takes a seat on the couch in the living room.

Rey takes this time to whip out her phone and text her best friend, Finn. He also works together with her to run her yoga studio, managing the studio’s finances and day-to-day operations. Rey, on the other hand, is the main yoga instructor and takes care of marketing related activities. Good thing that she can put her marketing degree to use.

**_Rey:_ ** _Poe and I broke up. Caught him cheating. I’m moving out tomorrow but don’t worry about me, I found a temporary place to stay._

 **_Finn:_ ** _Are you fucking serious? How are you feeling now, I can’t believe he’s such an asshole. Why didn’t you discuss with me about your living arrangements, you know I would let you bunk at my place as for as long as you want._

 **_Rey:_ ** _I know, but I don’t want to be an inconvenience, plus you live kinda far away from the studio. Don’t worry, I have this all figured out. See you on Monday?_

 **_Finn:_ ** _Okay… see ya._

“I’m done, I’ve taken a spare toothbrush for you and the hairdryer is behind the mirror. Do you need me to wait for you or I’ll go rest first?” Rey is still looking down at her phone, but upon hearing his voice, she looks up, only to see Ben sauntering over with nothing but a towel on. She can see the contours of his muscular body in full view. Her eyes widen and mouth agape with incredulity. There’s no way this hot piece of snack is single. Ben obviously notice her staring and smirked. “Like what you see?”

“Ahem.” Rey snaps out of it and clears a throat. She grabs her things and speeds past him, heading straight to the bathroom without saying anything, clearly embarrassed that she got caught staring by him. “You can go to bed first!” She shouts over from the bathroom.

Ben continues to chuckle to himself while he strolls back to his room to change to his sleeping pyjamas, and by pyjamas, he means putting on only boxes. He knows it is completely inappropriate to dress like this, but he does not what to change up just because he has a guest over. After all, she is going to be staying with him for a while, better for her to get used to it, no? Furthermore, Ben is so accustomed to not wearing a shirt at home that wearing one might affect his sleep cycle. He’s not going to risk it.

Rey takes her time in his bathroom fiddling through all his skin and body care products, as well as admire the beautiful interior. There is a seamless design transition from the master bedroom to the bathroom, the wood cabinetry contrasting better with the white marble floors. Does she wish to stay here forever? Yes, please.

Under the showerhead, she wonders if this is too good to be true. She felt their instant connection when she saw him at the bar earlier and she still finds him so encapsulating. She thinks about a phrase someone once told her that when one door closes another door opens. Of course, it is to early to figure out how long she will be staying with Ben but for the moment, she feels safe in the calamity.

When she comes out of the bathroom, Ben is already fast asleep. She places her phone on the bedside table and tried her best to slip into bed noiselessly, afraid to wake him up. Suddenly, there was a loud vibration of her phone on her tabletop and she wonders who it is. Eyes squinting, she looks over at her lit-up phone screen and sees the name… Poe. Opening the message to see its content is dreadful, but it was probably important.

 **_Poe_ ** _: Leave the keys on the counter once you’re done moving your things out. I’m quite busy and might not be home much this week. I wish you the best._

She tries to force her thoughts back into some semblance of order but fails to do so. Tears well up in her eyes, and she silently sobs in the dark from his cold message. She did not expect him to be so heartless, considering how many years they have been together. Is it so difficult to break up amicably? Why did they have to break up this way? She thinks about how all the times he has said that he was busy. Probably busy with someone else.

Sleeping next to her, Ben was awoken from his slumber from the vibration and could hear her audibly crying despite how discrete she was trying to be. He turns over to her side of the bed and sees her back facing him.

“Come here,” he whispers. He pulls her close to him without much effort and wraps both arms around her to keep her warm and provide her with some sort of emotional support. “I know we’re strangers but I’m here and you’re here. Let me be here for you. I know it sounds crazy but something inside my head is telling me that I should.” In this embrace, they are practically spooning but it is the last thing on their minds. Tonight, they are the two loneliest people in the world. But they have each other.

She shuffles around to bury her head in his chest and curls up in his arms, muffling her sobbing in his shirt. It causes Ben to tighten his grip around her, In the warmth and support he gives her he receives back the exact same, and he feels a little less lonely.

“Shall I turn on some background music? I do that on nights I can’t sleep.” He murmurs with his face in her hair. Rey nods slowly and lightly, feeling extremely drained from the events of the day. Ben plays his thunderstorm playlist, and rain sounds fill up the room with his surround sound system.

Rey falls in and out of sleep throughout the night. She worries how she is going to pack up all her things tomorrow. Ben still has his arms around her, his head so close to her. She tilts her head up to look at him and seeing how close his face is to hers make her want to kiss. Thinking that he is sleeping soundly, she mindlessly gives him a peck along his jawline before going back to sleep.

***

Rey wakes up in the morning still cradled in his arms, eyes puffy from the tears the night before. She gently removes herself from his grip to freshen up.

“Where are you going?” Ben calls out, feeling groggy all over from one too many drinks. He does not want her to go, he will miss the comforting feeling of having someone in his arms.

“I need to freshen up and go over to get my things…” Rey does not have too many things. Just her clothes, yoga accessories and camera equipment. She occasionally provides Livestream classes in the comfort of her own home to make yoga accessible to everyone, hence the camera equipment. Part of her feels like a freeloader because all the furniture in the apartment is owned by Poe. In her defence, he never asked her to pay so she never offered.

“Do you have a lot of things? I can drive you and help you pack your things.” She can almost hear the concern in his voice.

“Not really, but you still seem hangover from yesterday. You should rest.”

“I insist.” Ben jumps out of bed and both of them quickly freshens up. She borrows one of his white t-shirts and ties a knot at the hems, finishing her look with a loose knotted crop top.

She follows him to the basement parking lot and sees a big black SUV light up when he clicks a button on his car keys. On closer examination, it’s a G-Wagen. That car can definitely fit all her things.

***

“Is this the place?” He asks as he parks in front of the apartment building.

“Yeah. Follow me.” Rey sighs.

“But first…. I need a favour…” Ben’s voice trails off as he gets out of the car and follows her into the building. She arches an eyebrow at him, unsure of what to expect. “I just recalled that I kinda have this work thing in two weeks’ time and I need to bring a date. I was hoping I could take you? As friends?”

“Sure, but I’ll probably need to get a dress or something.” She inserts the key into the lock, hands slightly shaking nervously. Deep down she’s praying that Poe is not home so that she does not have to deal with the aftermath of their breakup.

“Hey, hey, it’s going to be fine. I’m here.” Ben says in an assuring manner as soon as he sees her hesitate with the doorknob. He tightens his grip on her waist to calm her nerves. Rey nods multiple times, takes a deep breath in and pushes the door open.

She sees someone sitting on the couch. _Fucking hell_ , she thinks to herself. Rose is here. And the worse part is, there are several boxes of things sitting by the side of the living room and a gut feeling is telling her that it is hers.

“We thought it was best to move your things out to make way for mine. The good thing is we helped you packed your things.” Rose stretches out an arm and draws a circle over the boxes. She did not even bother to say hi. _Rude bitch_. “Those are all your things. When you’re done taking your shit just leave the keys on the counter.”

“Yea, whatever.” Rey rolls her eyes at Rose, though a part of her is glad her things are already in boxes because she cannot bear to be in the same room with Rose any longer. It is excruciating.

“And did you bring your little friend here with you to make Poe jealous, because let me remind you, he chose me over you.”

“Why do you care?” Rey scoffs.

“Because it’s pathetic and I feel sorry for you.”

“Back off. Who the fuck are you to speak to her like this.” Ben cannot bear to stand back and watch this all happen. The disrespect that Rey receives is ridiculous. He wonders whether Poe treats her like garbage too. If he were in her shoes, he would have left Poe a long time ago.

“And who the fuck are you again?” The ridicule boils Rey’s blood but she does not say a word. She has always been too afraid to stand up for herself. On the contrary, Ben has had enough. He did not wake up early on a Saturday morning to get scolded by some bitch he does not even know.

“I’m her fucking boyfriend.” Ben blurts out without thinking. “Fuck.” He whispers under his breath, aware of what he just said.

“Ben!” Rey shouts at him, completely taken aback. But she decides to play along anyway. “Well, I didn’t want to make it a big deal, but I guess the cat is out of the bag.” She smirks at Rose. This time, Rose does not say a word, mouth agape by what she just heard.

“You’re a slut you know that? So glad Poe’s done with you after all these years of wasting his time on you.”

“Fuck you,” Rey shouts back, seething with anger. She turns to Ben. “Let’s take my things and go, baby.” Ben nods and does exactly what she says. 

Too angry to make a second trip up, they carry all the boxes of her things out of the apartment and subsequently made several trips down to the car to load everything.

“Thank you, Ben, for helping me with my things. But… I didn’t think you should’ve said that. That you are my boyfriend. What if they find out I’m lying? They ridicule me to no end.” Rey buries her face in her hands, unsure of to do next.

“Rey, they treat you like crap, can you imagine all the terrible things about you that Poe has been feeding her? Poe and she are fucking assholes.” Ben runs his fingers through his hair, feeling visibly vexed by the whole situation he has put Rey in. But what else could he do? He needed to teach them a lesson, and Rey deserves better. And this façade could possibly do better than harm for Rey.

“Poe was a big part of my life. Don’t you dare say that about him.”

“Do you hear what’s coming out of your mouth? Because it’s absolutely bullshit.”

“Do you even know what it feels like to love someone?” Her anger intensifies.

“If you keep being like that, you’re going to prove her right. Because right now, you’re pitiful. Rey beings to bawl her eyes out, distraught and confused at what is happening. “Rey… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I-” Before he could continue, she swings the door open and walks off.

Ben rushes to unlock the door and chases after her.

“Rey, I’m sorry.” He grips tightly onto her wrist, yanking her back towards him.

“You’re a piece of shit, you know that?” She screams at him between sniffles.

“Rey, I’m really fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He glances down at her, eyes begging her not to go. He looks like he is about to cry.

Rey looks away and does not respond.

“They won’t find out.”

She stares back at him again, still silent.

“We can figure this out together, it’s going to be fine.” He assures her again. For the third time, he waits for her to respond but she does not.

Ben is desperate to fix this. Sometimes he lets his anger get the better of him but not this time. He wants to make it right. What for? Ben has no fucking clue either. Possessive as it sounds, he wants to keep her in his life. He has not been the best son and he does not want to be a terrible friend either. 

Does he love her? No, of course not, they barely know each other. But waking up to her in his arms this morning was enough to leave him desperate to relive that moment every single day. He thinks that if it was any other girl and not Rey he would be as needy and behave the same way.

“I’ll take care of you. I promise.” Rey’s face becomes kinder while the sorrow remains in her eyes.

“You promise?” She asks earnestly.

“Yes. Do you trust me?”

Rey nods her head.

“Will you get back car right now?

Rey bites her lips. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Subsequent chapters will be focused on their life together and how they grow to accommodate each other. Comment to let me know what you think! Hope you enjoyed reading it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to comment your thoughts on this piece. Thank you 💗🌷


End file.
